Jumper
by S.Walden
Summary: Jyou is reflecting on his life up to this point and growing accustomed to a peaceful life at the hospital when he hears a friend is in trouble. Jyou-centric. Warnings inside. One-shot.


Jumper

Summary: Jyou is reflecting on his life up to this point and growing accustomed to a peaceful life at the hospital when he hears a friend is in trouble. Jyou-centric. Warnings inside. One-shot.

A/N: More Pandora-song-inspired fanfic drabbles concerning the headcanon. Hey.

A/N 2: Some of the lyrics are out of order/missing, but I doubt that matters to you really anyway. Also, I know next to nothing of the medical field or anatomy, so a lot of this is based on quick research. Sorry if something is inaccurate!

Warnings/Pairings: Suicide attempt, implied abuse. / One-sided Sorato, one-sided Jyoumato, Taishirou, Takari, Kenyako may be mentioned.

* * *

><p><em>I wish you would step back from that ledge<em>

_my friend_

_You could cut ties with all the lies_

_that you've been living in_

_And if you do not want to see me again..._

Every day I have the same thought: _Has it been three years already?_ I try not to look at the areas in which I would see him each day, try not to remember the gifts brought to me so subtly, and force my mind to think of my son, Aiko, who was on the verge of twelve and be thankful he wasn't as clumsy as me.

Since Tomaru, my stalker, was arrested two years ago, I realized two things: I was being the shittiest father imaginable and that all my days had become ordinary again. I fixed being a good father to Aiko, but my life still lacked excitement. Not that it was something I desired, especially after days like this one... Just an observation.

I had lost a lot of people over the years, too. My brothers had moved on, I didn't speak to my father anymore, and Aiko's mother was just another ghost that followed me around this place. Sometimes, while walking under the light near my office that had been flickering since she left, I thought I would hear her voice trying to comfort me, especially on the bad days. They once tried to replace that light and now the entire hospital knows: that's mine. The one thing in this place that's mine.

Because after you've had your life taken over and over, it's just okay to have something a little crazy like that. My father was the entire reason I was in this place, but it didn't mean he pulled me along like a wooden duck on a string my entire life, with the occasional broken wheel... or cheek bone, or arm, or pride.

That only leaves my mother, who is still institutionalized. Sometimes I wonder if I had cared more, or if Dad had fucking tried, would she be doing better? Would she not have to be living cut off from humanity? I was probably the biggest hermit anyone knew and yet I still socialized because I knew it was important... Gomamon taught me that.

I missed Gomamon, too. I haven't seen him in over a decade now and I doubt I ever will see him again since all the portals closed once more. We had held hope that maybe, like before, they would sporadically open, but I think even Koushiro may have given up trying. I didn't want to give up, but there was nothing I could do, so instead I try to remember all my friend taught me and use it. Especially after Tomaru...

_I would understand_

_I would understand_

A blur of pea-green running past wasn't abnormal and niether was the conversation the followed between the second blur, but as I passed under Nana's light, it went out for an entire three seconds and sent shivers over me.

"Gunshot wound to the head."

"He's lost a lot of blood. The wife couldn't get through the door any faster."

"ETA is one minute, so hurry."

My heart felt heavy as I entered my office. I'd had my share of suicidal thoughts, so perhaps that was why the topic was particularly heart-wrenching for me. It wasn't my patient, yet, so I could set it aside as I had learned to do with many others over the years. Being a brain surgeon, I had to deal with several kinds of death (and yes, I eventually overcame my fear of blood). Death could be quick, spontaneous, and outright stupid or it could be slow, agonizing, or necessary.

I sat down in my office chair when my name came over the intercom. Guess I was needed after all. I should have expected as much, seeing as I was one of three brain surgeon specialists in the place... but I had this habit of hoping against hope. Like hoping that the body coming in, for the hundredth time, wasn't anyone I knew.

_The angry boy, a bit too insane_

_Icing over a secret pain_

_You know you don't belong_

_You're the first to fight_

_You're way too loud_

"I-I can't," was all I could say when I saw him. "I'm..."

"You know him?" asked Brad, one of the other specialists and a good friend of mine. He was here from America and his accent still hadn't settled in with me, but his eyes said more than his words. I could only nod and step out of the way. It looked _bad_. I could see part of the skull was completely gone near the temporal fossa ridge- judging by how they had bandaged it up to stop the loss of blood. Any thought of him living through it was shoved out the window at the behest of my pessimism.

I stood dazed in the hall as the stretcher went towards the elevator to the OR. Most people said when a friend does something like this, you see all the signs, but I didn't. I began reflecting on everything I knew, especially in the recent year we had reconnected (if you call having a damn near alcoholic living on your couch most nights, reconnected), wondering why I just didn't see anything. He never talked about suicide. He only talked of his children and how he hated being away from them. He wouldn't admit he didn't like to be around Sora, he wouldn't admit that they fought, but I could gather as much from the rambles of a giddy Yamato.

What had happened to make him do this? My mind traced over the events of the last few weeks, the last few days, closer, closer. I hadn't been able to speak with him and he had missed the last meeting at the bar with Taichi, Hikari, Ken, Koushiro, and me. That wasn't unusual.

As I went to the waiting room, where surely Sora would at least have some kind of answer once her inevitable shock and worry passed, I thought of Yamato. It wasn't like he didn't have a reason to want to die. He always joked about it. He joked about a lot of things, _except_ one.

* * *

><p>I was only eleven at the time, but I recognized what pure horror looked like. The blonde I had been crushing on for the last six months had just spilled his guts to me and I couldn't think of anything else to do but pull him close to me and hug him. It wasn't about love or sex or friendship, even, it was just about him having anyone to hold that wouldn't cause him pain.<p>

I wanted to ask why he didn't tell anyone, but it was obvious: Takeru. I shook my head as I pulled away, "I'm sorry."

"Don't pity me," he snapped, his face red from crying. He wiped any tears away as they appeared, as if erasing them.

"I'm not. I just feel like someone should say it," I told him.

"Now, you see why, when you say you love me, that I can't understand it."

I nodded, reaching out to him, and held his hand in mine. I can still remember the sting of the cold against my palm and the realization of his entire being. His obscession over protecting Takeru from what may as well be a ghost. His reluctance to let anyone see any weakness. Why he never spoke of the divorce or his mother. Then, most importantly, why he didn't want to let anyone near him. I wouldn't learn until later that this was destroying him: he couldn't let anyone near and yet hated being alone. The hedgehog's dilemma.

I was thankful, too, that Yamato had chosen friendship over everything else when the time came for him to live up to the potential the Homeostasis had seen in him. I remember smiling when he talked about everyone being a part of him and tears filled my eyes as that entire summer flooded my mind: breaking up the arguments between him and Taichi, his concern over my well-being, our little side conversations when no one was looking, making it my personal mission to protect Takeru when he couldn't, finding not only Yamato, but his abandoned harmonica and pulling him from the darkness... I couldn't do that now, could I?

_You're the flash of light_

_on a burial shroud_

I couldn't go back yet. I turned around and ran down the hall, nearly missing the elevator. Brad turned to me, noting the tears making my eyes look like glass. I wouldn't let them fall. I had no intention to operate, that would be outright insane, but I needed to be here. I reached out and held the dying boy's hand and no one there objected.

"He... can't be alone," I choked. "He hates to be alone."

When we got to the OR, I let them pass and waited outside the room. I couldn't even bring myself to pace and instead a storm of logic, statistics, anatomy, and calculations filled my mind as each monitor blinked something else. I eventually screamed and turned away, the tears finally breaking from the dark spheres they were protecting.

I was sure I looked ridiculous, had anyone been in that hall to see me, sitting on the floor with my knees to my chest, trying not to hyperventilate. However, my friend was dead.

_Well, he's on the table_

_and he's gonna code_

"Cardiac arrest... they'll try to revive him..." I whispered, realizing my skin was covered in cold sweat and I was shaking a little. "He's not dead yet. I have to think posititive."

Despite my own reassuring words, I was already picturing myself standing over his casket, leaving behind a wife and two lonely children. Anger was settling in as I wondered how he could do such a thing to them. I stood once more, looking into the room. Twenty seconds had passed since the cardiac arrest, meaning he was only now losing consciousness. I wanted to scream. I wanted him to hear me. I wanted him to know someone was there. "Yamato!"

_Wake up, Yamato. In three minutes your brain won't be able to take any more... it's already suffered enough, you idiot. What the Hell do you think you're doing in there, dying on the rest of us, anyway? What would Gabumon say to you? _

Then the monitor went off again and I could breathe. Somehow, he heard me and immediately his voice echoed in my mind: "Stop complaining Jyou, and let me die in peace, would you?"

_And I do not think_

_anyone knows_

_what they're doing here_

"Jyou!" cried Sora. "You have to know something. More than what these damn doctors are telling us."

_Those are my friends, Sora,_ I thought, but set her irrationality aside. By this point, I had set so much of me aside that my blood pressure was rising. "He's alive. That's all I can tell you. We won't know the details of the damage for a few hours yet."

I glanced behind Sora's worried face, noting the absence of their children. She had probably left them with a neighbor. Taichi and Koushiro were holding hands, their wedding rings rubbing together as they hid how nervous they were. Hikari and Takeru were talking with Mimi...

"So, he's fine?" Taichi confirmed, looking at me. I nodded, staring into the eyes of Yamato's best friend in the entire world. The one that knew the littlest about him...

"...Sora, why did he do this?" I pleaded.

She rolled her eyes as she paced, making me sick, "Like I would know."

"You're his wife, you should know," I stated firmly, trying to hide my anger.

"Not when he's off God knows where half the time..." Sora sighed, stopping, putting her face in her hand. "Why can't he just be home with his family?"

I wouldn't realize the irony in that statement until later. I also realized Yamato had never told her he had been using me as an excuse NOT to see them, for reasons neither of us could fathom at the time.

About then, Ken appeared, and Sora seemed relieved. She rushed over to him and hugged him, making him squirm uncomfortably. Being a cop was similar to being a doctor: you had to distance from everything. Human contact included.

"Ken, thank God. I need to file a report," Sora said quickly. Everyone looked at her, including me. Was now the time for such a thing?

Ken blinked at her, his eyes lost in her growing anger. "S-Sorry? I thought we were here for Yamato... I heard he..." Ken glanced away and I felt pain in my chest. He had considered similar feelings before, I'm sure, and so this hit close to home for him.

"Hanako, my daughter, is being molested. Please, you need to arrest Yamato."

I noted Taichi trying to hold back a giggle. _Yes, Taichi, the entire thing is more absurd than you know... _I thought. Luckily, Sora didn't hear him.

"You're... serious?" Ken questioned.

"Yes, why do you think he tried to weasel out of it?" Sora demanded.

"Sora, did you ask him?" Taichi questioned with a shrug.

"Oh, like he would admit it, stupid," Sora breathed. "I've seen the way he looks at our daughter and I can't keep them apart."

_Like a father? _I hissed in my mind.

"Alright, Sora. Let me talk to him, first," Ken urged.

"No! Now!" Sora barked.

"Sora, he's not even conscious yet..." I started.

She turned to me with fire in her eyes, "Stay out of this Jyou."

I couldn't stay a second later and stormed off to Yamato's room. I wasn't going to sit there and listen that he had given in more ways than one. All he ever talked about was how hard he worked _not_ to give in to anything his mother instilled in him and I wasn't going to accept that this suicide attempt was a cop-out. He was running, like he had been running, since that day in the diner, since that day in the Misty Trees...

_And your friends have left_

_you-you've been dismissed_

_And I never thought it would come to this_

_And I_

_want you to know_

I glanced into the room a few hours later, watching as Brad ran a check up. I went over each check in my mind and then he noticed me. I couldn't help but turn away as the door opened and I could feel his hazel eyes looking me over. When I finally found strength to look up at his greying hair, he sighed. "Your friend is fucking lucky."

"...he's fine, then?" I whispered.

"Well, he's going to have some motor damage, probably in his hands. We had to put a metal plate in. He'll need a skin graph, too. He can see... for now."

"Jesus," I breathed. "What happened? I didn't learn anything from his wife, go figure."

Brad smiled, revealing pearly white teeth and a set of sharp molars, "I thought you two were friends?"

"Ah... well, me and him there," I said, pointing to Yamato through the door. "But his wife... maybe we used to be. I don't know what we are now."

"You never were good at keeping company, were you, Kido?"

"Is now really the time for making jokes? Can I talk to Yamato yet?" I insisted. Then, Brad stepped aside and I could see Hiroaki Ishida sitting in the chair near the bed.

"Go ahead, Kido. God, did you bang him or something?"

"I'll kill you later, Comeaux. Go tell the wife what you didn't need to tell me," I ordered, shoving him out of the way and entering the room. Hiroaki had his hand raised, but he had never laid a hand on Yamato. He wouldn't now. Still.

"Mr. Ishida," I started.

"...Jyou, was it?" he strained to remember. He looked at me, his entire body sagging with exhaustion. Even at however old he was now, he was still working himself to death.

"Ah, yes. Kido, Jyou, sir," I replied, stepping closer.

"Jyou..." Yamato whispered. His voice warmed my ears. "So, let me guess! Sora told you everything..."

"She's out there being detained by Ken because she won't stop screaming about you, actually..." I noted.

"Sounds about right," Yamato said with a chuckle. He was so... casual. The entire thing was unnerving and I took a break to berrate him when Hiroaki did it for me.

"What the Hell were you thinking?!" he cried.

I watched Yamato's expression change, like a dog caught tearing up a new set of shoes. "Dad... I'm sorry..." he whispered, his eyes closing. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I just didn't know what else to do..."

"Your _mother_ is not two doors over and you're trying to kill yourself?" he seethed, grabbing the collar of Yamato's shirt. I could see where the blonde angel got his Hellish temper from and stepped between them before things got too emotional. "She's already _given up_ and you pull a stunt like this?"

"I didn't know what else to do!" Yamato cried, his arms shaking in the restraints. Under other circumstances, that would have been so sweet to see.

"Mr. Ishida," I whispered, "Maybe you should go see your wife. Or, go to the roof and have a cigarette like the rest of my co-workers, haha."

"...yeah," he grumbled, heading out. There was a brief silence as relief washed over both of us.

"Digi-jesus, what's gotten into him?" Yamato asked. "So, can I get out of these restraints now?"

I glared at him. _I just watched you die, you bastard, and you're being like this? Why are you calm and collected __**now**__?_ "Yamato, gods damn you. This isn't a game. You nearly died!" I shrieked. "No, you were literally dead for a minute and thiry-eight seconds for that matter!"

"...what?" he whispered, looking away.

"I was worried sick about you!" I continued. "Yamato..."

Then the door opened behind us. Takeru and Sora, the two people I was sure the suicidal blonde didn't want to see, stepped in first. I stepped back as Taichi, Koushiro, Hikari, and Mimi joined the tiny room. Most everyone seemed relieved, save the wife and brother, who were staring their friend down.

Takeru stood at the end of the bed. I knew the relationship between the two had been strained since Yamato told him the truth about Natsuko's abuse towards Yamato, but he didn't even seem happy to see his brother alive. If anything, he had this impression that it was another sin to add to the list we all knew Takeru was keeping hidden in his writing desk somewhere under the watchful eye of a crucifix.

"Well, happy now, Yamato? You've scarred the kids for life," Sora snapped.

"How low can you sink?" Takeru whispered. "All this to get out of seeing Mom, I'm guessing?"

I glanced between the two brothers. Natsuko's cancer had returned in full force recently and so, she had been in this hospital for some time. She wasn't going to last much longer.

"It's not like that, Takeru, and you kno-"

"Enough you guys," Taichi intervened, trying to be a peacemaker. Not one of his better skills. "Let's just be glad Yama's-"

"Shut it!" Sora demanded, her hair whipping as she turned from Taichi to Yamato once more. "You got your wish. I'll sign the damn divorce papers... but you know what? It will be a cold day in Hell before you see your children. I'll make sure of that."

I expected Yamato to be angry but a smirk just crossed his face. "Been there very second I've been with you, _babe_," he breathed. His voice was starting to crack and after having a tube down it for so long, I wasn't surprised.

"What the Hell is your problem?" Takeru snapped, grabbing the end of the hospital bed. I gently pushed him away but he slapped at my hands. I took a seat in defeat, lowering my head into my hands. I wasn't going to try and argue with a homosexual hating heathen.

"She's been relentlessly accusing me of hurting my own children, she _tricked_ me into marrying her by lying about her pregnancy, and she's generally been a hateful witch. Anything else?" Yamato growled between intermidden periods where his voice cut out completely. I knew they would have to leave soon. He needed rest. I could hear the restraints straining under the urge to punch his sibling in the gut.

"All I can see is a woman, trying to keep her family together. Kinda like Mom before you started spreading lies about her. I guess you just live to break up families, don't you?"

"Takeru..." the blonde seethed and he shook his head as if he were having a dizzy spell. "Take that back!"

"No, Takeru. Go on, tell us. Tell us the truth about Yamato," Sora urged. I glanced to the others who had watched this display in silence and confusion. Only me, Yamato, and Takeru had been trusted with the truth about Yamato being sexually abused by his mother. Now, Sora was telling the entire room. I opened my mouth, but she cut me off, "He touched you, too, didn't he, Takeru?"

Thankfully, for this tiny detail, I was glad she stopped me from talking. Yamato and I exchanged glances. He once harbored those feelings, but he nearly destroyed himself and everyone else fighting them. Yamato's worried gaze went over everyone and I knew he was debating how to word something as simple as 'no'.

"Takeru! Admit it!" Sora demanded.

Takeru had his eyes closed. I waited for him to tell us all the real truth: Yamato had done nothing of the sort. He had only loved Takeru like a brother should, not like a monster, not like his mother, not like his nightmares. But the blonde just stood there. He didn't say a single word either way. I could feel my blood pressure rising again as Yamato's aging face held back the pain, like having been slapped.

Sora seemed to take this as pure confirmation. She had always been very impuslive while considering someone's feelings. It was just a matter of who she was worried about at that given moment. "Oh, God... you did, didn't you?" she gasped in horror at Yamato.

Blue eyes grew wide.

"See? Takeru can't even speak," Sora hissed.

"Because you're acting _insane_, Sora," Taichi started. _Thank you, Taichi. For once we can all be thankful for that big mouth of yours._

"He's _**sick**_," Sora gagged, never taking her eyes from Yamato, each statement driving that bullet deeper. I could put everything together now. Giving up his dreams, tied down into a fake marriage because he didn't want to hurt his friend and his future children, staying to attempt and spare them any pain... all while being reminded daily of what his mother did to him. Something Yamato had put behind him so long ago. "Your own brother... if hurting an innocent child wasn't enough."

I watched as Yamato laid back and tears escaped down to his ears. He was falling apart all over again. An odd laugh we could all only guess about escaped him- one I took for downright insanity and one Sora took for some twisted memory: "Fucker."

"Enough," I said, regaining my composure, too. I stood. "Yamato needs rest. If there is really anything you need to say, Ken is waiting outside."

Takeru scoffed and took Sora's hand in his, brushing past his own wife and brother-in-law to get out of the room.

"Get better, buddy," Taichi said, tapping the end of the bed. Yamato stared at the ceiling still, but he gave a quick smile. Once they were gone, I sighed. _I'm sorry. I should have made them leave sooner..._

"Jyou... thank you," he whispered.

"Anytime," I said, sitting back down. "How long... have you put up with all that?"

"Since Tsukuyomi was born..." Yamato whispered once more, the thought of his son bringing some comfort to his mind. I calculated...

"Seven years?!" I coughed, running a hand through my bangs. "Why... Why didn't you say anything?"

A small hesitation, "...I promised myself when my parents divorced that they would never go through that, Jyou. I broke that promise."

_Yamato had gotten the divorce papers first..._ "So, you blame yourself and you think the kids will blame you?"

"No," he winced, huddling into himself a little. I undid the ties on his hands, if just for a little while. He rotated his arms a bit. I eyed him. They had to go back on, eventually. "I don't want them to blame themselves..."

_Everyone's got to face down their demons_

_Maybe today_

_We can put the past away_

"...still, you had choices," I said with a smile, leaning over towards him. The man I had always loved and lied to myself about getting over. Ever since I had first seen him, I had been fighting this urge to take care of him, to fix him. "You didn't have to do this... You could have turned to any of us."

"Jyou, it would have only made things worse..."

"You always stood up for yourself before!" I urged, "Why is it different now...?"

"Stand up for myself? ...no," the blonde said suddenly. He smiled and I pulled away, confused. "I've only ever fought for others. I don't matter."

I growled and screamed, startling him, "Don't matter?!" I stood before I shook him free of the IV replenishing his insides. "When you're out of that bed, Yamato Ishida, I am going to kill you."

He blinked at me, "I'm... sorry."

"Yes, well," I said, clearing my throat. "Just promise me something and promise me you won't break it this time."

"Shoot," he said.

"Don't worry me like this ever, ever again," I pleaded.

"I'll try..." he said, reaching out and taking my hand.


End file.
